Feel
by Lea Cat
Summary: Ed gives up something more precious than a Philosopher's Stone to bring Al's body back. AU
1. Chapter 1

**Okay. I know…I'm very distracted…if anyone's wondering what happened to the next chapter of Dream, sorry to say that its my fault, not Death's Scythe. Heh Heh…I kinda lost the chapter somewhere…D's Scythe is very unhappy…(THE BRUISES! THEY BURN! Jk...she's not that bad.) Okay…on with the prologue!

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Feel  
By Lea Cat  
5/29/06

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"Brother?"

…

"Brother!"

Nothing but silence met the panicked teen.

"E-ed? Edward!"

"What, Al?"

Al lunged at Ed, hugging him. "Thought you did something stupid again." He muttered before leaning back and asking, "Are you hurt? Are you sure the Gate didn't take anything?"

Ed shoved Al back. "I'm fine!" He just didn't mention how everything seemed different, almost as if he was looking through someone else's eyes.

(XXhxaxpxpxyxxdxexpxrxexsxsxixoxnxxhxaxtxrxexdxxhxoxpxeXX)

And that was how Edward and Alphonse Elric ended their search for the philosopher stone. They didn't need to look for something they had already failed to find if they didn't need it.

It was only a week after Ed performed the transmutation on Al that he collapsed.

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"Tell me, what's wrong with Brother!" Al demanded, towering threateningly over the smaller doctor.

It didn't seem to faze the old man, as he merely ignored the implied threat and cleaned his glasses. Once he put them on, however, he said, "Has your brother been getting enough sleep?"

"Yes! ...well…I'm not sure…Brother is always awake before I am, and I go to bed before he does…so…"

"Apparently, he hasn't been getting enough sleep. His body simply shut down." The doctor looked up at Al, seeing his shocked face. "I'd guess he hasn't slept for a week. Not to mention, he also looks food deprived."

Al's shocked face took on an angrier tone. "Brother!" He stomped into the room where Ed was sleeping, ignoring the doctor's cries of protest. "Brother!" He snapped. He waited until Ed opened his eyes and looked at him with nothing but alertness. "What have you been doing that doesn't allow you to sleep?"

"I just haven't been tired." Ed said truthfully. He looked at Al again.

Now that he knew about it, it was easier to notice the bags under Ed's eyes. Al stared, trying to find a lie in Ed's statement, but finding none. So, instead, he simply said, "You need to take better care of yourself!"

"I _am_ taking care of myself." Ed replied. "I have followed every signal my body's given me. It's the logical thing, after all."

Al stared. He had an inkling of what was going on, but he wasn't sure. Well, only one way to find out…"You're gonna get shorter if you don't sleep."

Ed frowned in thought. That statement should have made him angry to the point of seeing red, but it didn't seem to bother him. "…I don't get it…"

"Neither do I, but we know one thing." Al responded, forehead crinkled in thought, "It has something to do with your emotions…" Al gasped. "What if it took away your ability to feel?"

Ed stared. Then he turned and slammed his hand against the wood. Hard. Al winced as he heard a crack. Ed gave Al an unreadable look. "Nope. Didn't feel it."

Al looked his brother in the eye and shivered. He could have sworn he had seen the Gate on the other side…

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**So, what do you peeps think? It's a new plotline, I know…it came in a burst of inspiration after someone (coughagent000cough) had a talk with me. Well, I'd like some feedback, so hit the LOVELY little blue button down there…you know you wanna…**


	2. Chapter 2

**Peepers! I know some people really want to kill me…I'm sorry, okay! I'm just a really slow, really lazy person! If I were a homunculus, it'd be Sloth…or Wrath…or Envy…you know what? My sister classifies me as all of them. 'Cept Lust…Nope, I don't lust after no one.**

**Okay, blab session is over, let's move on folks!

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**Feel  
****By Lea Cat  
****6/1/06

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"FullMetal! There you are, I didn't see you behind my papers!" Roy Mustang, Colonel and Flame Alchemist, waited for the expected outburst that never came. Edward just stood on the other side of the desk and stared back at him. After a moment's pause, Mustang sighed and asked, "FullMetal, what's wrong with you?"

"What were you expecting? An outburst? Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not going to blow up." Ed stated. He proceeded to stare at Mustang with an unreadable gaze.

"…FullMetal, when have you grown up, and why wasn't I informed?" Mustang asked, half joking, half seriously.

"Aw, Brother, quit toying with him, just tell him already!" Alphonse said, walking in the door. It was the first time Mustang had seen Al in his new body.

"Good to see you back in your body, Alphonse. Now, tell me what?" He turned his gaze on Ed. Unfortunately, it didn't affect him the way it normally did. What was wrong with FullMetal?

"We need to continue the search for the Philosopher's Stone." Ed responded flatly.

"Why? Your brother's back in his body, so what else is he missing?" Mustang sighed, exasperated. Honestly, FullMetal always botched things.

"It's not for me, sir…" Al cut in hesitantly. Both men turned to look at Al. Pausing, he continued with a slight stutter. "I-it's for Brother…he's missing something…"

"What are you missing?" Mustang asked. When he saw Ed hesitate, he prodded, "Come on, I'm curious now. What's so important that you need the stone to get it back?" He picked up the cup of coffee sitting on his desk and took a sip.

"My feelings." Mustang spit the coffee back out at Ed's announcement.

Stuttering, he listened to the corny, happy music playing in his head. "Y-you don't mean to tell me that you didn't blow up at the short comment because you were over it…"

"I mean to tell you that I couldn't even if I wanted to." Ed finished for him. Mustang sat back in his chair, stunned. Now that he thought about it, Ed's golden eyes were slightly glazed, as if they were only barely taking in their surroundings. He was also sagging, as if tired, and his body screamed for attention while his mind seemed elsewhere.

And what was with the bandaged hand? He was acting as if it was normal.

"Well…you should start somewhere…Al, are you going to help him?" Mustang asked, accidentally hitting the question that both brothers were arguing over.

"Yes." Al said.

"No." Ed replied at the same time. Both turned towards the other, Al slightly glaring.

"I'm going with you Brother, this is my fault."

"No, you're not, it's too dangerous and I don't want to risk you losing anything else." Ed responded just as fiercely as Al. Well, Mustang mused, if there was one thing the Gate couldn't take, it was Ed's love for Al. It was kind of corny, but still sweet.

"I don't care! I'm going, and that's final!" Al said, stomping his foot to emphasize his words. Ed and Al had a short stare down. In the end, it was Ed who turned away.

"Fine. Do what you want."

"Alright! Where should we start?" Al asked, overly enthusiastic.

_Lior._

"Lior." Ed repeated.

"Why start there brother?"

_Because Scar is there._

"Scar is there."

"How do you know that?" Mustang asked suddenly. "The military classified that information."

Ed turned a blank eye on him. "I don't know. I guess the Gate is speaking to me."

"That would be useful." Mustang admitted, his tone indicating that he had issues that needed help.

"But are you willing to give up being human?" Ed asked, the wisdom of the Gate nearly leaking off him.

Mustang had no answer to that.

(XXhxaxpxpxyxxdxexpxrxexsxsxixoxnxxhxaxtxrxexdxxhxoxpxeXX)

"Brother, was that wise? You scared the Colonel." Al said, chasing after a fast paced Ed.

"Before, I would have been overjoyed to scare him. It's like I'm detached from this world and watching through someone else's eyes." Ed paused, and turned to Al. "I want my feelings back. Was this what it was like in the armor? …no, at least you could feel anger and happiness…and sorrow…" Ed hung his head and continued walking.

Al was torn between following and bursting into tears. Was it really that bad? Being in the armor was horrible, but it must have been worse to be unable to get sad about it.

Ed wandered through the military headquarters, no specific destination in mind. It was strange. He was so confused, yet everything couldn't be clearer. Well, he wasn't _really_ confused; he just knew that he was supposed to be. "Ugh!" It was strange, but he would have to live without knowing when he needed to eat or sleep or…take care of business…

"Brother!" Ed turned to find Al running towards him. "Brother! It's time to eat!"

"It is?" Ed asked. He should be disoriented. How much time had passed? "Then let's go."

Smiling cheerfully, Al grabbed him by the arm and dragged him off to the mess hall. Once they arrived there, many heads turned, as, usually, it was Ed dragging Al to the mess hall.

"What do you want to eat, Brother?" Al asked. As soon as he said this, the normal chatter resumed.

"I don't care." Ed shrugged. "It'll all taste the same to me, so you pick for me."

Al was disheartened by his brother's lack of enthusiasm. Getting up from the table he had dragged Ed too, he said, "Alright…I'll go get the food."

Ed frowned at Al's retreating back. He was supposed to be happy. That was the reason he gave up the ability to feel.

For a moment, something forgotten lingered in his chest, but then it flitted away.

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**I'm going to grab the floor and yank it out from under your feet soon, so I suggest you leave a review. Or I'll do something drastic. Seriously…**

**JK! XD**

**I doubt I could harm you guys. See ya peeps later! (Is it just me, or did Death's Scythe rub off on me?)**

**Lea Cat**


	3. Chapter 3

**Well, I got this one done in a short time. Lots of brotherly love here too. WAFF! Augh!**

**Heh…just kidding.**

**Death's Scythe and I are having a competition on who can torture Ed the most. If you read the other FMA story, I'd like for you to leave a review on which one does a better job at torture. (I'm probably going to lose...she's much better at torture than me!)**

**Now, without further ado…

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**Feel  
By Lea Cat  
6/3/06

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"Brother! You need to sleep!" Al exclaimed, pushing Ed back down onto the bed that he had been trying to get off of.

"No, I don't. I'm not tired." Ed said flatly, attempting to get up again.

"If you haven't forgotten, you can't receive sleep signals anymore! Just lie down and close your eyes, okay? You don't have to do anything else." Al assured, shoving Ed back onto the bed.

"I didn't forget. I can't. How can I? I can't even get angry about the fact that you won't let me stay up. Fine. I'll go to sleep." Ed stopped resisting and pulled the covers over his head, missing the sudden sad look that crossed Al's face.

"Brother…" Al sniffed, reaching out a hand towards Ed's head, at the last minute pulling it back and shuffling towards the other bed. "…oyasumi…"

Ed closed his eyes. "Night…"

Al hugged his pillow and tried hard not to let the salty liquid leak from his eyes.

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Al woke up tired the next morning. It was hard to sleep when you were feeling guilty. Perhaps this was how military men felt after they killed for orders. He wanted nothing more than to roll over and wallow in guilt, but the sun shining through the window said differently.

Rolling onto his back to stare at the ceiling, Al called out, "Brother?"

A grunting noise came from the other bed. Strange…was he still sleeping? He was normally up early to research. Pushing himself off the bed, Al padded over to the other bed.

Shaking the large lump that resided in the middle, he proceeded to call out to his brother until he earned a mumbled, "What d'ya want…" Ed's head popped up from the pile of blankets. His voice was groggy, even though his eyes were wide and alert. "Do you need something, Al?"

"…Is something wrong, Brother? You're usually up really early." Al placed a hand on Ed's forehead.

Ed shoved it off indignantly. "I'm fine, Al. Don't worry about me. I guess I didn't register that it was morning."

"It's time to eat…let's go…" Al muttered, grabbing Ed's hand and tugging him to the mess hall.

"Are you alright, Al? You don't look well. Are you sure you got enough sleep?" Ed asked, as worried as someone without feelings could get.

"I'm fine. I just had a…nightmare. What about you? You seem to enjoy sleeping now." Al replied, a little too eager to turn the topic away from him.

"Ah. I didn't have any dreams. I don't think I can. And its not that I enjoy sleeping…there was nothing to do."

"What do you mean, there's 'nothing to do'?" Al inquired.

Ed tilted his head as he searched for a way to explain without messing up Al's brain. "Well, dreams are the culmination of your mind. While your body sleeps, your mind creates dreams so that you aren't just floating in an endless sea of blackness. It seems my mind is incapable of creating dreams now, and I can't wake myself up either. So, for the entirety of the night, I am left in an area of darkness. Get it, now?"

Ed turned to look at Al, but found Al avoiding his eyes.

"…Al? Are you _sure_ you're alright? You can talk to me, you know."

Al sniffled, trying hard not to look at Ed. If he did, he didn't know if he could keep the tears at bay. He felt so guilty; it was eating away at his insides. "I-I'm sorry, Brother…"

"What's there to be sorry about, Al?"

Al wanted to scream. Ed's voice sounded normal, and full of worry, but if he were to look him in the eyes, he would find nothing. And that scared him. "Brother…this is my fault…"

"What…?"

Al flung his head up, revealing his tear stained cheeks and leaky eyes. "_This_ is! It's my fault you can't feel anymore!"

Ed wrapped his arms around Al and said, "It's alright--"

"No! It's not alright! You should hate me right now! But you can't even do that!" Al pushed Ed away and ran.

"Al!" Ed began to run after him after a moment's hesitation. "Al! Wait!" Pushing his way past several soldiers proved to be his downfall; when he got by, Al was gone.

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_Plip._

A single drop of liquid fell to join a river.

Al sniffled and watched the white water rapids rush down the valley. He had run out of headquarters and kept running until he ran out of breath. And that was how he got to be here, staring at the water forlornly.

"Brother…" he whimpered, shutting his eyes and burying his face in his knees. "I'm sorry…"

How long had he been here, repeating the same sentence over and over? It must have been a while, because the sun had reached the peak of its journey in the sky. His stomach grumbled in protest of its missing breakfast, but he squelched the hunger mercilessly. He didn't deserve to be hungry.

"Here you are."

Al turned his head toward the direction of the voice. "Brother…"

Ed stood there, his red coat flapping in the wind. Walking forward until he stood in front of Al. "Just because I can't, doesn't mean you can't cry. Don't feel guilty." Crouching, he looked Al in the eye and continued, "When you were in the armor, I was guilty too. Instead of wallowing in guilt, you can help me."

"But…"

Ed leaned forward and enveloped his brother in a warm hug. "Silly idiot. I gave up the ability to feel willingly. I knew the risk and took it anyway. I did it so you could be happy. So be happy for me."

Al's eyes widened fractionally before a fresh wave of tears hit. Reaching forward, he returned Ed's hug and proceeded to sob and hiccup into his shoulder.

Ed gave him a heart-warming smile.

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**Alright! Yay for Al angst!**

**I know I told you that I was going to yank the floor from under your feet, but I decided that this was an important milestone. So I wrote it first.**

**Okay, see ya later!**

**Lea Cat**


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